So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Randomize
