My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Randomize
