dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
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