I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
