if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
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