if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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