I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
