all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
