also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
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