Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
