the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
