Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
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