There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
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