just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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