We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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