420 ftw
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
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