dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
