My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
