Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
I wish i was in the wii world.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
