Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
