Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
