Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
