does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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