My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
i permit you to call me
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Randomize
