He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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