Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
