The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
