If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
All I want is dick and wine.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
