legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
