I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
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