You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
And then my night got REAL pukey
After tacos, we're chasing women.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
