My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
He shit in the fireplace
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
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