Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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