I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I hate all girls vehemently.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize
