grandma shit on top of the toilet
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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