Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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