i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
fuck your aforementioned shoe
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
