i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
