I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
