id be glad to
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
