Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Randomize
