I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
