is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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