Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
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