i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
That was before I lit my hair on fire
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Randomize
