I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
