Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
