i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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