Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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