dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
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