I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
