You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Randomize
